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It is Mummy's thirty-ninth birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like "Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?"
But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who 'live for their children' and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring's extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays.
Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering "FML" over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea she's had ...
Gill Sims is the author and illustrator of the hugely successful parenting blog and Facebook site Peter and Jane. She lives in Scotland with her husband, two children, and a recalcitrant rescue border terrier, who rules the house. Gill's interests include drinking wine, wasting time on social media, trying and failing to recapture her lost youth, and looking for the dog when he decides to go on one of his regular jaunts.