How to Date Men When You Hate Men

From New Yorker and Onion writer and comedian Blythe Roberson, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy philosophy book aimed at interrogating what it means to date men within the trappings of modern society. Blythe Roberson's sharp observational humor is met by her open-hearted willingness to revel in the ugliest warts and shimmering highs of choosing to live our lives amongst other humans. She collects her crushes like ill cared-for pets, skewers her own suspect decisions, and assures readers that any date you can mess up, she can top tenfold. And really, was that date even a date in the first place? With sections like Real Interviews With Men About Whether Or Not It Was A Date; Good Flirts That Work; Bad Flirts That Do Not Work; and Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You've Got Mail, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a one stop shop for dating advice when you love men but don't like them. "With biting wit, Roberson explores the dynamics of heterosexual dating in the age of #MeToo" - The New York Times

Blythe Roberson

Introduction 000 1. Crushes 000 Joy Crushes It's Not About You Boy Crazy One-Track Mind Interesting Topics to Think and Talk About That Are Not Some Dude You Hung Out with Two and a Half Times but Never Kissed Blurry-Faced Crushes Sure, Okay Man Management Categories for My Crush-Tracking App 2. Flirting 000 Signals Text Interpretation Using My Four-Year College English Degree to Close-Read Texts from Men I Know It When I See It Men I Thought Were Flirting with Me, and Why Digital Flirting Good Flirts That Work Bad Flirts That Do Not Work Stealing Touching Missed Connections 3. Dating 000 Defining The Date Ways to Make It Clear It's a Date Apps Good Analog Places to Meet Men Date the Person You Want to Be in the World Performative Chillness Ways to Kill Time While You're Waiting to Answer a Text Being Chill The Rules Versus My Rules If I Wrote a Dating How-To Book Talking To Schrödinger's Relationship This ISN'T a Date! 4. Psychic Wounds 000 Men Weaponizing the Bechdel Test Scale of One to Ten A Better Ranking Scale, for Men I Am Into PDA Acceptable and Nonacceptable PDA Locations Will They or Won't They The Best Rom-Coms of All Time and How They Ruined Me Being Mean Hello, Its Mr. Nasty: Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You've Got Mail Romantic Friendship Blah Blah Blah "My Girlfriend" Professionally Insecure Woke Boys Types of Men Who Are Bad Types of Men Who Are Great 5. Getting Serious 000 "Defining" the "Relationship" Long-Distance Living Together Negotiables Marriage Is Bad and I Am for Sure Going to End Up Married to the First Person Who Asks Me 6. Breaking Up 000 Love Is Fake Rejection Is Good Ways to Break Up with Someone You Aren't Dating Breakup Clichés Lines I Would Prefer Men Use When Rejecting Me Ghosting Internet Stalking What I Am Hoping Comes Up When I Internet Stalk People Pop Culture Anniversaries Getting Back Together Love Amnesia Oh, Haha, We Used to Kiss How to Get the Perfect Revenge Body 7. Being Single 000 Full Tree Prose Before Bros Comfort When You Least Expect It 8. Making Art 000 Making Art About Your Relationships Subtweets Subtweets, Arranged by Who They Are About People Making Art About You The Pay Is Certain Conclusion 000 Acknowledgments 000