Two Ruddy Ducks and a Partridge on a Par Three

Once described as the worst golfer never to have won a major, Mortimer Merriweather is a complex character with virtually nothing to show for 60 years of golf at the lowest level. Decades of abject failure to strike the ball properly undoubtedly fuelled his frustration and led ultimately to him venting his ire on individuals, companies and organisations connected with the game of golf in this remarkable series of 100 letters. The result is this hilarious book of his bizarre, insulting, unsettling and plain mad golfing ideas, all sent to famous hapless recipients, illustrated with occasional cartoons. 'Clive Agran is golf's funniest writer.'   - John Hopkins, The Times

Clive Agran is known for his regular contributions to all the top golf magazines in the UK including Today's Golfer, National Club Golfer, Golf Monthly and Golf News.   For several years he had a regular opinion column in Golf Monthly before switching his allegiance to Golf International. His style is light-hearted and whimsical and his columns are always amusing. His popularity spread overseas through his regular features in Sports Illustrated and Kingdom in the USA, Golf Digest Middle East and Swing (Singapore). He has also written for  travelgolf.com,   w orldgolf.com,    Golfshake and The World's Greatest Golf Destinations.

British Trust for Ornithology 9 Prince Harry 11 Mayor of Tunbridge Wells 12 Sir Nick Faldo 14 R&A Rules Adjudicating Committee 15 North Face 16 Mr Disney 18 President Putin 19 Sunningdale 21 Chubby Chandler 22 TaylorMade 23 US Masters Organising Committee 25 Jon Rahm 27 Justin Thomas 28 Scottish Tourist Board 29 Bernhard Langer 31 Lloyd's of London 32 Professional Golfers Association of America 34 St George's Hill 35 Prostatitis Sufferers' Association 36 Penguin Books 38 Muirfield 39 Prince Andrew 40 Supreme Leader of North Korea 41 Royal St George's 43 Jeremy Corbyn 44 League Against Cruel Sports 45 Pope 47 Ewen Murray 49 St Andrews 50 Dr Ping 52 Head of Bombing 48th Fighter Wing, RAF 53 GCSE Examination Board 54 British Psychiatric Association 56 Challenge Tour 59 Mr Callaway 60 Communist Party of Great Britain 62 Chairman of the International Olympic Committee 63 Messrs Royal and Ancient 65 Acushnet 66 William Hill 67 Rishi Sunak 69 Wentworth 71 British Museum 73 American Golf 74 Armitage Shanks 76 St Andrews Golf Museum 77 Sotheby's 78 Head Greenkeeper at Royal Troon 79 Tee Distributor 80 Lewis Hamilton 82 Ryder Cup Organiser 83 Augusta National 84 Open Championship Venue Selection Committee 85 Roland McDonald 87 Desert Island Discs 88 Institute for Dream Studies 89 Met Office 91 António Guterres 92 Rolex 94 Archers' Producer 95 Pfizer 96 Eton College Headmaster 97 European Tour 98 Guinness 100 Footjoy 102 Andy Murray 103 Michael O'Leary 105 DJ Spoony 106 Office Furniture Manufacturer 107 Sky Sports 109 Dalai Lama 111 JP McManus 112 Novak Djokovic 113 LGBT Foundation 115 President Bolsonaro 116 DP World Tour 117 Mike Ashley 119 Black Lives Matter 120 Head of the Nobel Prize Committee 122 HM The Queen 123 Xi Jinping 125 Executors of the late Sir Bruce Forsyth 126 Principal Trainer of Sniffer Dogs 128 Golf Monthly Magazine 129 Talent Agency 131 Ali Khamenei 132 Barry Hearn 134 Royal Mail 136 Head of Sport, BBC Television 138 Colin Montgomerie 140 Andrew 'Beef' Johnston 141 European Ryder Cup Committee 143 Greg Norman 145 Robert Trent Jones, Jnr 146 Jimmy Tarbuck 149 President Donald Trump 150 Mystery Shopping Company 152 Editor of the Times 154 Last Will And Testament 156 Merlin Unwin Books 158