Hope, Forgiveness, and Positive Psychology in Couple Therapy

This guide introduces the Hope-Focused Approach to couple therapy and provides a hands-on, practical resource for clinicians and students to integrate this approach into their practice effectively. Drawing from positive psychology, virtue theory, and forgiveness theory, the book describes how therapists can design a hope-focused treatment to promote intimacy, help couples communicate and resolve disagreements, strengthen emotional bonds, build trust, guide forgiveness, and encourage reconciliation. This book takes the therapist from assessing couples, to designing initial treatment plans, intervening in sessions, and facilitating termination. Focusing on communication training and conflict resolution, Worthington and Ripley share over 100 evidence-based techniques, case studies, and interventions to illustrate how to help couples effectively. Examples incorporate complex issues of race and sexuality, as well as values such as religion and politics. This practical guide arms therapists with a strategy to enrich their practice of couple therapy, equips them with practical techniques, and helps them promote forgiveness and reconciliation when couples seek it. This book is an invaluable resource for beginning counselors, graduate students, and practicing marriage and family therapists.

Everett L. Worthington Jr. is a clinical psychologist and Commonwealth Professor Emeritus at Virginia Commonwealth University. He has had over 40 years of licensed practice and has written almost 50 books on topics such as forgiveness, couple therapy, and spirituality/religion. Jennifer S. Ripley is a professor of Clinical Psychology at Regent University, Virginia, sharing the Hughes Chair for Integration of Mental Health. As a licensed clinical psychologist, she directs the couple lab at Regent University, supervises many couple therapists, and sees dozens of couples per year, testing the ideas for this book in a real-world therapeutic setting. Her website is www.hopecouples.com.

CHAPTER 1 ADMITTING TO THE FRAGILITY OF COUPLE THERAPY: HOLD ONTO HOPE PART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONS CHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple Approach. Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCA CHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE FAITH Intervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy Intervention 4-2: Get This Across-In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build Intimacy Intervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret-Share Your Dreams Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional Cues CHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF HELPING COUPLES CHANGE PART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLY CHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELY Intervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your Partner Snaps) CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE'S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT EFFICIENTLY Figure 9-1: The Couple Improvement Plan Table 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of Couples Intervention 9-1: Educate Couples about Preferences Intervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment Questionnaires Intervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 Questions Intervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan Worksheet Intervention 9-5: Detect Red Flags CHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING THEIR TREATMENT Figure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah's Ratings of Elements of Their Relationship Intervention 10-1: The Assessment Report Intervention 10-2: Feedback Report Example Intervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple Therapy CHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORK Figure 11-1: H-ROM Questionnaire Figure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each Partner Intervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) Assessment CHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHY Figure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse, 2011) Intervention 12-1: The Video Review Intervention 12-2: Stopping Negative Reciprocity CHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE FIGHTS Figure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and Intervention Figure 13-2: The LOVE Acronym Intervention 13-1: LOVE-Three Interventions in One Intervention 13-2: Five-Minute Date Intervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, Warmly Intervention 13-4: Time Out Intervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing Love Intervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude Intervention 13-7: Doubt Your Doubt Intervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other's Valued Choices Intervention 13-9: Values Card Sort Intervention 13-10: Process the Conflict Intervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-Up Intervention 13-12: Slimy Pit Demonstration CHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY KNOW Figure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of Discounting and Disengaging Intervention 14-1: Love Bank Intervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-Offs Intervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the Speaker-Listener Technique Intervention 14-4: Leveling and Editing Intervention 14-5: Love Busters Intervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-E Intervention 14-7: A Coke and a Smile PART 3 BONDING CHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BOND Figure 15-1: Sternberg's Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low in Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment Figure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014) Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple's Sternberg Love-Triangle History Intervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of Power Intervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy Thermometers Intervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the Relationship Intervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional Bonds Intervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over Time Intervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes Solid CHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS Intervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional Intimacy Intervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual Intimacy Intervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational Intimacy Intervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic Reflection Intervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with Couples Intervention 16-6: Couple Prayer Intervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic Alliance CHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME: FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLE Figure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc. Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day Activity Intervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love Me Intervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer Playlist Intervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting Influence Intervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and Independence CHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONES Intervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on Attachment Styles Intervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close Relationships Intervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional Bod Intervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid It Intervention 18-5: Address Defenses against Vulnerability Intervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing Vows Intervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning Narrative PART 4 FORGIVING CHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIER Figure 19-1: Radical Acceptance Intervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes Fable Intervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts with the Couple Intervention 19-3: Stopping Rumination Intervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing Up Intervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even Contemplating It) Intervention 19-6: Offer Restitution Intervention 19-7: Grace Ain't Just for Supper Intervention 19-8: Radical Acceptance Intervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with Emotion CHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO REACH FORGIVENESS Intervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness Group Program for Your Practice Intervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness Protocol Intervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness Treatment CHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH IT Figure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote Movement toward Reconciliation Intervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work on Intervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness Model Intervention 21-3: Practice Confession and Apology Intervention 21-4: Apply REACH Intervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH Forgiveness Intervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their Learning Intervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-Forgiveness Intervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral Self-Condemnation Intervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive Self-Condemnation PART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDING CHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREE Figure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Experiencing Empathy (FREE) Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive & Reconcile-Consider Wartime Intervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Why Forgive & Reconcile? Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Savor Good Forgiveness CHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND CAN'T BE REDEEMED Figure 23-1: Prepare for FREE Intervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an Analogy Intervention 23-2: It's Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived I Did Intervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past Offenses Intervention 23-4: Dan Wile's (1988, 2008) Empathic Responding Intervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with Empathy Intervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with Emotional Softening Intervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Regulating Emotions Intervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of Forgiveness Intervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as Homework Intervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive the Wrongdoer Intervention 23-11: CONFESS Acronym CHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXED Intervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice Gap Intervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session) Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable Problems CHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE MISSING ONES Intervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and Dresden Intervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude Interventions Intervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on Functioning Intervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up Questions Intervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the Relationship PART 6 REFORGING TRUST CHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY THINK IT WILL Figure 26-1: Trust Intervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and Trust-Building Intervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep Hurts Intervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a Betrayal Intervention 26-4: It's Happening Again Intervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building Trust Intervention 26-6: The Trust Bank CHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE FUTURE RUPTURES Intervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout Treatment Intervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of Resistances and Roadblocks Intervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a Trauma History Intervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist's Own Negative Reactions CHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPY Figure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy (lighter pillars) Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at Termination Intervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination Report Intervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation Ceremony Intervention 28-4: Post-Therapy Assessment CHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES