Fighting for Connection

Fighting for Connection offers a fresh, nuanced perspective on conflict and partner violence, blending emotional, relational, and scientific insights through the lens of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This book speaks to couples experiencing escalating conflict, as well as to professionals supporting them. It moves beyond traditional narratives of power or victimhood to explore the emotional and relational dynamics that underlie violent interactions. Structured as a conversation between two experts in EFT and domestic violence, the authors answer the questions couples often ask themselves when caught in cycles of escalation. Readers are guided through the complexities of love, conflict, and emotional pain, engaging with the material in an accessible, empathetic style. This book combines clear explanations with research-based insights, while ensuring the language resonates with lived experiences. With its original dual audience approach, it speaks directly to couples living through high-conflict situations and simultaneously equips therapists, counselors, and social workers with practical frameworks and strategies rooted in EFT. It reframes partner violence as a relational problem, providing pathways toward healing without oversimplifying the challenges involved. Through real-world examples, therapy principles, and actionable guidance, this book empowers readers to restore safety, connection, and empathy in relationships.

Jef Slootmaeckers, LMFT, is the director of EFT-Belgium and a certified EFT therapist, supervisor, and trainer. He specializes in working with intimate partner violence, trauma, shame, and aggression. Jef delivers EFT and violence trainings internationally. Lieven Migerode, C.Psych., MFT, is the founder of EFT-Belgium and a certified EFT therapist, supervisor, and trainer emeritus. With 40 years of couples therapy experience, he co-teaches EFT and violence with Jef Slootmaeckers and has published several books and articles on love and partner violence. Linne De Loof is a clinical psychologist, contextual systemic therapist, and EFT therapist and supervisor. She works with individuals, families, and especially couples, helping them in their quest for a safe connection. Her interest in human dynamics and passion for language is reflected in several publications and books.

Introduction: The Birth Of A Story About Partner Violence 1. Is This Partner Violence? 2. Do We Love Each Other When We Hurt Each Other So Much? 3. What's Going On Between Us?! 4. Is Something Wrong With Me, You Or Us? 5. Why Is It So Hard To Talk About This? 6. Is This Harmful To Our Children? 7. Will This Fight Ever End?