Clean and Sober, Strong and Expecting

Clean and Sober, Strong and Expecting is a supportive and empowering guide for pregnant women in recovery. Blending emotional honesty with practical tools, this book walks with you through the unique challenges of staying clean and preparing for motherhood. From setting boundaries and creating a peaceful space to managing fear, guilt, and postpartum struggles, each chapter affirms that healing is possible-and that you're already a good mother simply by choosing recovery. This is your fresh start, and you don't have to walk it alone.

I was born on December 18, 1991, in Litchfield, Illinois. My mother, Tracy, worked hard to provide a stable life for me and my younger sister, born on November 16, 1993, despite facing challenges in her relationships. My mother's marriage to my sister's father ended due to his cocaine addiction, and her brief marriage to Will became toxic due to his abusive behavior. After that annulment, she dedicated herself to healing and stability.
High school brought new struggles; I battled weight issues and a sense of not fitting in. I turned to smoking weed and drinking, which led to a cycle of anger and bullying. By high school graduation, my drinking escalated, and I was sneaking vodka and using pills. This destructive lifestyle only worsened after school, driving me deeper into addiction.
After high school, I moved away and met my daughter's father, who initially helped me quit drugs, but my addiction resurfaced after I began working at a bar. This led to our separation and ultimately losing custody of my daughter as my drug use spiraled. I hit my lowest point when I was shooting meth and isolating myself. My family pressed charges for fraud, resulting in jail time, which unexpectedly forced me to reflect and begin regaining my sanity.
After jail, I returned to drugs, experimenting with fentanyl, which led to multiple overdoses and the tragic loss of my boyfriend in February 2020. I entered rehab but struggled to maintain sobriety, relapsing just before reaching six months in a sober living home. My life continued to spiral with homelessness and arrests, including a brief, dysfunctional marriage to a drug dealer.
Finally, I found hope with Matt, who shared my struggles. We endured addiction and homelessness together but eventually sought help. We entered treatment, and I moved into a sober living house while Matt stayed with a friend in recovery. My journey has been filled with pain and loss, but today, I stand in recovery, ready to embrace the future.