Pearls of Wisdom

Enter the mystical and magical world of the internet sensation ME Pearl, the psychic squirrel deity, and her human mouthpiece Georgette, YouTube's famous "opossum lady." Pearl is a dead squirrel who knows everything. With the aid of her earthly mouthpiece Georgette Spelvin, Pearl has been sharing her psychic wisdom with her human disciples for years, delving into topics as varied and complex as love, money, work, health, and etiquette. Once hidden in the delightful corners of the internet for the canniest lurkers and most sacred seekers on the website MEPearl.com, Pearl's cosmology now comes to life in print for the first time ever, revealing for the masses the secret for everlasting happiness, in addition to a newly-unearthed trove of Pearl's bewitching, incisive, and illuminating advice that makes sense of every ancient—and current—mystery. With the same “delightfully peculiar” (New York magazine) flair that has made Pearl and Georgette sensations online and had videos of them featured on shows such as The Ellen DeGeneres Show and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Pearls of Wisdom welcomes readers into the bewildering and addictive world of ME Pearl—one rife with Jackie O. glamour, David Lynch lunacy, marsupial melodrama, and psychedelic spirituality. Proffering new insights on everything from wildlife to the afterlife, Pearls of Wisdom is a true sacred text for the internet age—if not eternity.

Pearl de Sagesse de Sabaduria de Wisdom de Tout, also known as Pearl de Wisdom or ME Pearl, is an all-knowing, all-powerful squirrel deity and an internet sensation. Pearl lived for twelve years in Southern California under the care of Georgette Spelvin, known to Pearl as Pink Mama, an oddly sentimental witchy woman and licensed wildlife rehabilitator. In captivity, Pearl gained omniscience by gnawing her way through most of the Merriam-Webster English dictionary and bits of the Larousse Spanish and French and by using her seven senses to absorb vast amounts of information (the rest she makes up). The very model of a modern psychic squirrel, Pearl ascended to the heights of psychic prowess, surpassing all other animals, people, and plants. After her death, Pearl's mission became to aggrandize herself through religion, politics, social media, cult formation, charitable contributions, and syndicated advice columns, as the divine Pearl fully expects anyone who comes in contact with her to benefit beyond their wildest dreams. Using Georgette as her mouthpiece and conduit, she continues her work as a prophet online by providing sage life advice for the masses on her website MEPearl.com and through the YouTube channel MEpearlA, where she has more than 124,000 subscribers and shares videos relating to the proper care and keeping of possums and provides a wealth of life advice. Pearl and Georgette have been celebrated in a wide range of media, including New York magazine's “The Cut,” Messy Nessy, BuzzFeed, Jezebel, KQED, AV Club, Oddity Central, Comedy Central's Tosh.0, and Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld. Her uncredited videos have appeared on Good Morning America, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Pearl's spirit, channeled through Georgette, resides in Astralburg, Etheria. Georgette Spelvin is a licensed wildlife rehabilitator specializing in small mammals. She is married to artist and front man Royce van Oyster, who capably assists in the operation of her complex animal sanctuary. Georgette worked as a performance artist, professional masseuse, veterinary technician, dual diagnosis counselor on the psychiatric unit of a major metropolitan hospital, and the resident storyteller of an International Cultural Center, before her body, mind, and spirit were entirely usurped by a willful little squirrel. Georgette resides with the spirit of Pearl in Astralburg, Etheria.

Preface: Notes on the Revolution The Seven Lively Virtues Possum Care (Stupid Possum Stuff You Should Know) Gourmet Cooking Self-Care: Beauty, Fitness, and Glamour Etiquette Psychic Readings and the Zodiac Wildlife Protection The Pearlestine Prophesies The Secret to Everlasting Happiness