What Is Compersion?

What is compersion? Is it the "opposite" of jealousy, as it is usually believed? Is it an emotion or a behavior? What causes it to arise and bloom? Can we "learn" compersion or invite more of it into our lives? Based on her seminal research with consensually non-monogamous (CNM) individuals, Dr. Marie Thouin unravels these questions and more in the first-ever book to offer a comprehensive model of compersion and a practical road map to cultivating it. Each chapter features compelling stories from real CNM people, making this a captivating and highly applicable read. In addition, Thouin addresses the broader social context, explaining how understanding compersion is a groundbreaking step toward a world that supports relational diversity and freedom. By disrupting the idea that jealousy is the only valid response to intimacy beyond monogamy, the existence and practice of compersion builds the foundation for a completely new paradigm of loving relationships. This book and its conclusions have profound implications for many fields of study and practice including psychology, sexuality studies, philosophy and ethics, and law. Indispensable for CNM individuals, therapists, counselors, and scholars, this book is also invaluable for anyone curious to learn about positive empathy, intentional relationships, and radical love.

Marie Thouin, PhD is the author of What Is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships, the first-ever comprehensive scholarly book on compersion. She has been featured in several magazines and podcasts, including ELLE, the Savage Lovecast, and Multiamory. Thouin has also published seminal research studies, the first encyclopedia entry on compersion, and is the creator of www.whatiscompersion.com, a popular website that features her research, blogs, media appearances, and a list of resources on the topic of compersion. Founder of Love InSight, a mindful dating and relationship coaching practice, Dr. Thouin supports and guides people of all backgrounds and relational orientations to create intentional and vibrant love lives.

Acknowledgments
Foreword by Jessica Fern
Introduction
What Is Compersion?
Compersion and Buddhism
Prevalence of Consensual Non-Monogamy
Mononormativity and Compersion
How Is Compersion Relevant to Monogamous People?
The Research behind This Book
Contributions and Relevance of This Book
Should Compersion Always Be the Goal?
Overview of the Book
Notes
Chapter 1: Developing a Non-Mononormative Relationship to Jealousy as a Foundation for Compersion
The Entanglement of Jealousy and Mononormativity
Different Types of Jealousy
Essentialist, Cross-Cultural, and Socially Constructed Perspectives on Jealousy
Jealousy and Power Dynamics in CNM Relationships
How CNM People Relate to Jealousy Differently: The Advent of Non-Mononormative Jealousy
The Malleability of Jealousy
Notes
Part I: Components of Compersion
Chapter 2: Positive Empathy
What Is Empathy?
Participants' Accounts of Positive Empathy
Notes
Chapter 3: Gratitude
Participants' Accounts of Gratitude
Is Compersion Selfish or Selfless?
Notes
Part II: Dimensions of Compersion
Chapter 4: Two Kinds of Compersion: Attitudinal and Embodied
Attitudinal Compersion
Embodied Compersion
Is Compersion Necessary?
Congruence with Previous Research
Notes
Chapter 5: Spectrum of Compersion
Understanding the Spectrum
Is the Spectrum Linear?
Is the Spectrum Hierarchical?
Other Flavors of Compersion
Chapter 6: Coexistence of Jealousy and Compersion
Participants' Accounts of Jealousy and Compersion Coexisting
Comperstruggle
Fluidity between Jealousy and Compersion
Explanatory Frameworks for the Coexistence of Jealousy and Compersion
Part III: A Compersion Roadmap
Chapter 7: What Promotes Compersion?
Grouping 1: Individual Factors
Grouping 2: Relational Factors
Grouping 3: Social Factors
Notes
Chapter 8: What Hinders Compersion?
Grouping 1: Individual Factors
Grouping 2: Relational Factors
Grouping 3: Social Factors
Notes
Part IV: A Comprehensive Model of Compersion
Chapter 9: A Proposed Theory of Compersion
Congruency and Exceptions
A Dual Control Model of Compersion
Applying the Model in Practice
Notes
Part V: Social Lenses on Compersion
Chapter 10: The Role of Coming Out and Pride in Compersion
What Is Coming Out?
Identity Development and Coming Out for CNM People
CNM Resilience, Coming Out, and Compersion
CNM Identity Development Based on Perception of Innateness versus Choice
Chapter 11: Social Positionality and Compersion
The Research Process
Is Compersion a Privileged Emotion? The Surprising Impact of Compounded Discrimination
Compersion as Resistance
Compersion and Age or Stage of Life
Compersion and Disability
Compersion and Gender
Sexual Orientation and Compersion
Race and Compersion
Socioeconomic Status and Compersion
Conclusion: The Double-Edged Sword of Otherness
Part VI: Concluding Thoughts
Chapter 12: Can Compersion Be Learned?
Learning by Creating a "Fertile Terrain"
Learning by Example
Learning by Unlearning
Learning by Shifting Paradigms
Learning through Practice
Learning by Cultivating Empathy
Learning by Doing
Conclusion
Notes
Chapter 13: Parting Words: Compersion, Personal Transformation, and Social Change
Notes
References
Index
About the Author