Egg and Soldiers

'Are you Damien Trench?' said the lady operating the stall.
'I might be,' I said.
'You are though, aren't you?' she asked.
'Well...yes,' I agreed.
And that was that. She seized me by both hands, pulled me towards her, and launched into a passionate monologue that covered a selection of desert recipes that I had once offered up in print, her difficult relationship with soft cheeses and her husband's irritable skin. So intense was her manner that it was extremely difficult to tell if she was scolding or praising me. All I knew was that she was staring so intently at me that I became worried that parts of me would dry up and just drop off like smoked chipotles. As soon as she stopped speaking, I thanked her for being willing to share, broke free from her grasp, panic-bought three punnets of raspberries on the way out and then sprinted back to the Uno as fast can be.

MILES JUPP is an actor, comedian and writer. He played Nigel in the BAFTA winning sitcom REV, and John Duggan in Armando Iannucci's THE THICK OF IT, and has made multiple appearances on HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, MOCK THE WEEK and WOULD I LIE TO YOU? As well as writing and starring in IN AND OUT OF THE KITCHEN, he has chaired THE NEWS QUIZ since 2015.
DAMIEN TRENCH is an award winning food writer whose life was chronicled in BBC Radio 4's IN AND OUT OF THE KITCHEN. He lives in London with his partner Anthony.