Living, Loving and Loss

One of the unspoken aspects of mourning concerns the ways that loss affects our intimate relationships and our sexual expressiveness. This text opens these subjects for conversation, with the aim of promoting the trust, care, and respect that enable us to be vulnerable. It purposefully covers a range of topics, including: (1) the meaning of intimacy and the significance of sexuality, providing a basis for the use of these terms throughout the book; (2) death, grief, and differences in sexual orientation, including death and intimacy in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community and the losses endured by young people due to gender issues; (3) loss of relationship and restoration of intimacy in families, including pharmacological effects on the grief processes of widowers; grieving a not-so-loved parent; the "layered losses" of infertility and intimacy; and the tolls of war--intimacy and sexuality challenges for soldiers and their families; (4) adjusting to life's losses associated with aging or illness or infirmity, including Alzheimer's and dementia-related illnesses, physical health losses after 50, and intimacy, sex, and hospice--self-determination and dignity at the end of life; and (5) religious bases that have shaped our perspectives for understanding intimacy, sexuality, and healing after loss, and which give us hope--including the spiritual reflections of a rabbi and a Christian voice in defining what is right. Set in a framework that is both psychological and spiritual, the well-researched contributions are intended to acknowledge these experiences both professionally and personally. The book concludes with an extensive bibliography, valuable for research and reference. This book will be of value in undergraduate and graduate courses on thanatology, as well as for anyone interested in knowing more about grief--both those currently bereaved and those who wish to support others in mourning. The contributors appreciate both the importance of our capacities for intimacy and sexuality and our inhibitions and hesitations in giving voice to our needs and concerns, perhaps especially when we are grieving. The information and compassionate understanding they provide encourage us to bridge the gap between the secret and the private and to share what is close to our hearts.

DeFord, Brad; Gilbert, Richard

Foreword Brad Hunter Preface Brad DeFord and Richard B. Gilbert Acknowledgments Introduction Brad DeFord SECTION 1: Death, Grief, and Differences of Sexual Orientation CHAPTER 1 Death and Intimacy Issues in the LGBT Community: A Gay Perspective Ronald L. Attrell CHAPTER 2 Young People and Gender Issues: Living with Loss Linda Goldman SECTION 2: Loss of Relationship and the Restoration of Intimacy in Families CHAPTER 3 Momma's Dead and Daddy's on Viagra!: Elder Widowers, ED Drugs, and New Romantic Relationships Harold Ivan Smith CHAPTER 4 Grieving a Not-So-Loved Parent: Sinking in the Mud of Hurtful Memories Richard B. Gilbert CHAPTER 5 Infertility and Intimacy: Life's Layered Losses Darcy L. Harris CHAPTER 6 The Tolls of War: Intimacy and Sexuality Challenges for Soldiers and Their Families M. Douglas Harvey SECTION 3: Adjusting to Life's Losses by Aging or Illness or Infirmity CHAPTER 7 Birth of a Stranger: Intimacy, Sexuality, and Dementia Sara Sanders and Joelle Osterhaus CHAPTER 8 Love, Life, and Losses After 50 Anne Katz CHAPTER 9 Intimacy, Sex and Hospice: Self-Determination, Dignity, and Intimacy Options at the End of Life Sherri Weisenfluh and Vicki Merrill SECTION 4: Religious Bases for Understanding Intimacy, Sexuality, and Healing After Loss CHAPTER 10 Living, Loving, and Losing: A Spiritual Reflection Through the Eyes of a Rabbi Daniel A. Roberts CHAPTER 11 Engaging the Christian Voice in Defining (and Redefining) What Is Right David Daubert and Robert D. Machamer Afterword: Toward a Spirituality of Love and Longing Brad DeFord Bibliography Richard B. Gilbert Index