Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

Being partnered with a narcissist or borderline personality can be hard enough, but learning how to shield children from the fallout is paramount. Here, the authors show readers how to manage parenting when a narcissistic or borderline partner is part of the equation.
Life in a narcissistic family system is at best challenging, and too often filled with chaos, isolation, emotional outbursts, and rigid controlling behaviors. It is too often devoid of peace and emotional safety. In the worst outcomes, children in these families grow up with low self-worth, issues with trust and belonging, and a lack of self-compassion. They are at significant risk of carrying the cycle forward and having poor adult relationships.
This book offers a way to intervene and disrupt the cycle of negative outcomes for children. Written by two family therapists who bring a combined total of sixty years of clinical practice with individuals and families, the book pulls no punches, giving clear-headed advice, easy to follow actions to help children, and an abundance of teaching examples.
Instead of the doom and gloom scenarios often presented about life with a narcissist or borderline, this book provides a much more positive outlook, and most importantly, it offers hope and a path to an entirely different outcome for the family members. Supported by current research in neuroscience, mindfulness and parenting information, the book focuses on teaching resilience and self-compassion to raise emotionally healthy children, even in a narcissistic family system.
It starts by helping parents get a clear understanding of what they face with a narcissistic or borderline partner. There is no room here for denial, but there are also many options to explore. It explains how and why the narcissistic family system functions so poorly for raising healthy children, and pinpoints the deficits while providing information on how to intervene more effectively for the benefit of the children.
Using their years of experience, the authors present ideas for staying together as well as knowing when to leave the relationship and how best to do that. Emphasis throughout the book is on supporting and strengthening the reader with encouragement, concrete ideas, skills and compassionate understanding.

Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, has been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for thirty years. For over 25 years she trained and supervised family therapists and was the Clinical Director of Threshold Educational and Counseling Services. She is noted for her work with clients who grew up with a mentally ill parent and those who take on a caretaking role with a borderline or narcissistic family member. Her books, Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life and Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship: A Caretaker's Guide to Recovery, Empowerment & Transformation, have been extremely well received. Fjelstad retired from clinical practice in 2016, but continues writing and doing phone consultations with callers from all over the world who have questions about a current or former relationship with someone who has BPD or NPD. Please go to her website at margalistherapy.com for more information. She resides in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Author Note
Introduction
Part I: When the Other Parent Is Narcissistic or Borderline
Chapter 1: Self-Focused Parenting
Chapter 2: What the Narcissistic Family Is Like for Children
Chapter 3: What the Narcissistic Family Is Like for You
Chapter 4 Narcissistic Family System: Patterns and Problems
Part II: Building Resilience
Chapter 5: Resilient Parent, Resilient Child
Chapter 6: Changing Directions
Chapter 7: Building Your Own Resilience
Chapter 8: Self-Compassion: Key to Developing Healthy Self-Worth
Chapter 9: Creating an Environment to Thrive
Chapter 10: Responsive Parenting
Chapter 11: Help Your Children Develop Self-Compassion
Chapter 12: Help Your Children Have Their Own Lives
Part III: Parenting Will Be Different
Chapter 13: What to Say: Handling Family Communication
Chapter 14: What Not to Say and Do
Chapter 15: Responding to Emotional and Physical Dangers
Chapter 16: Assessing Your Situation
Chapter 17: Parenting in the Same Household
Chapter 18: Parenting After Divorce
Chapter 19: Being a Good Enough Parent
Chapter 20: Final Words
Appendix A: Vocabulary of Feeling Words
Appendix B: Communication Prompts
Appendix C: Suggested Reading
Notes
Bibliography
Index
About the Authors