Race You to the Fountain of Youth

The men are on one side. The women on the other. They're ready -- they're set -- they're off!... Well...maybe not. Seasoned comedy writers Martha Bolton and Brad Dickson take an unconventional, refreshing look at the over-forty race to the Fountain of Youth. Instead of heaping on the pressure to exercise more, eat less, manage your time, and save all your money for retirement, Bolton and Dickson offer a take-it-easy approach to aging with chapters like: ? If Menopausal Women Ruled the World ? How to Calculate Your Real Age ? I Am Woman, Where'd I Go? ? Desperate Grandmas ? He Died of What? ? Gimme a Head with Hair Filled with gentle encouragement and rolling humor, Race You to the Fountain of Youth will remind you to focus on the things that truly matter -- contentment, personal growth, faith, and joy. Relevant, real, and always funny, this look at the better half of life doesn't ask you to change one thing about yourself -- except maybe to laugh a bit more and worry a bit less.

Martha Bolton & Brad Dickson

................... 1 ......................3 Physical Changes of the Over-Forty Woman...............5 I Am Woman, Where'd I Go?...........................5 Corn Pads Are Just Another Way of Saying Happy Birthday. . 9 I'm Not Dead Yet (But Parts of Me Are Fading Fast)....... . 11 The Botox Chronicles...........................13 Things We Did Back Then That We're Paying for Now.... . 19 Is It Really Possible?. . 20 All in How You Look at It ..................23 A Woman's Advantages in Living to One Hundred....... . 23 Fifty Cents and Two Box Tops...................... . 24 Can't Take It With You......................... . 27 Video Farewells......................... . 31 A Few Minor Adjustments...................... . 35 Driving Tips............................ 35 Temporary, Nonsurgical Procedures for the Budget-Minded Woman over Forty................... 39 Popular Sports Adjusted for the Woman over Forty. . 41 The Boomer-Friendly Mall...........................43 Getting Out the Vote...........................46 If Menopausal Women Ruled the World................ . 49 Taking Care............................ 51 Dream Doctor...........................51 You Are What You Eat............................ 57 How to Calculate Your Real Age........................59 A Woman's Guide to Living Longer. . 61 Times Change............................ 63 We Interrupt This Program......................... . 63 Mom or Grandma?............................ 65 Desperate Grandmas...........................67 You Know You're Getting Older When................ . 69 Why Exercise Sometimes Doesn't Work................ . 70 Bigger Isn't Always Better........................71 Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives.... . 73 The Black Hole of Passwords......................... 74 A Million Isn't What It Used to Be.....................76 The Race Goes On...........................77 Things We Still Don't Know After All These Years.........77 Head Knowledge............................... .79 Making Our Voices Heard......................... . 80 Getting Close......................... . 82 ..................85 Upside and Downside of Turning Fifty..................86 Signs Your Eyesight Could Be Worsening................ 87 Working Till We Drop...........................88 Acting Their Age...................... . 91 Custom Exercise Equipment and Clothing for the Baby Boomer. . 92 Collectible Hits and Misses......................... 97 ..............................99 Health............................... 103 Fear and Loathing in the Waiting Room................ 103 He Died of What?...........................106 Denial Is Not Just a River..........................109 Why I Distrust Doctors...........................112 The Executive Physical................... 115 Hypochondria (Or Why I'm Pretty Sure I've Contracted Western Spotted Elk Diphtheria)................... . 118 The U.S. Health-Care System (Or Why I'm Looking at Property in Canada)......................... . 120 Where'd You Get Your Degree?........................123 Dr. Bruce............................ . 126 The World's Oldest People......................... . 128 Supplements: Modern-Day Pet Rocks?................ . 130 Appearance..................133 Vanity, Thy Name Is Ralph............. . 133 Gimme a Head With Hair......................... 136 Gee, Your Head Looks Terrific...................... . 139 Botox for Men...........................142 Our Aging Presidents................ . 145 Calf Implants............................ 147 Dressing to Please......................... . 149 Trends.................................. . 151 Da Do Ron Ron............................ 151 Th-th-that's All, Folks!............. . 153 Another Reason to Take Care of Yourself: Drive-Through Mortuaries...........................155 Dad or Granddad?......................... . 157 The Polar Bear Club............................159 I Can't Drive Fifty-five After I Turn Fifty-five............. 161 Staying in School -- Forever............. . 164 Everybody's Working for the Weekend....... . 166 Large-Print Books......................... 168 Honey, They Shrunk My Brain................ 170 Exercise.....................173 No Pain, No Gain...........................173 The Bench Press................... 176 Presidents: They Love to Run!......................... . 178 What Do They Want?................... 181 Jack LaLanne......................... 184 The Longevity Test...........................185 What Have We Learned?...........................189 ............................ . 193 ......................... 195